Review - Volkswagen Jetta

I just loved the Volkswagen Passat. I really did. I loved it as much as I don’t love the Jetta. Mark my words here – I’ve not said that I hate the Jetta. But no matter how hard I try, I just can’t get myself to like it immensely. Whoever says that Volkswagen Jetta has an understated air of elegance to the way it looks is wrong. Revoltingly wrong. These terms sound good for the Passat, because it really has an elegantly subtle look doing business on its physical form. But the Jetta, plainly, is not even eyebrow-raising boring. There are no lines, no sexy curves anywhere in sight, nothing.

I wouldn’t mind it being repulsive to look at. At least being that would make people look at it again in sheer discomfort. To me, a certain element of individuality is as essential to a car as it is to a gourmet meal at a star-rated restaurant or the celebrated butter-chicken at that odd road-side Dhaba. This is what sets the place apart from others. In motoring terms – I’d ask you to look down a couple of steps in the automotive ladder and mark out a certain Maruti Suzuki Dzire. It looks ghastly, alright, but at least it looks like nothing else on road. Unquestionably from behind it does not. So people can identify the Dzire from a distance. That ugly big-butt of a rear is what sets it apart. Get my point?

And VW, it seems, realized that the Jetta isn’t really a car that would demand a second look so they sprayed some chrome on it. The result? Well, that chromed grille looks like an act of desperation to give the Jetta a look of little sophistication. It would’ve been nice had they painted the entire section black instead. The all-black scheme would give it a bit of a naughty look. But then, naughty and boring don’t quite go hand in hand, so forget I ever said that. I do however like the tail-lamp cluster quite a bit, primarily because of that circular indicator lamp. So it isn’t quite all that bad afterall.

Inside, there is “Glow pattern flat weave seat upholstery”. Whatever that is. There is a “storage compartment with a lid on the headlining”. It has a ‘lid on the headlining’. How cool is that!  You get door pockets with a provision to hold – get this – one litre bottles at front. Hmmm. There’s more of such rubbish like “Anthracite Metallic inserts”. It is essentially just a silver finish for your centre console and door panel trim. So much to explain such simple stuff, huh!

Alright, tell me how radically boring would it be if you woke up one morning, walked to your bathroom, stood in front of the wash basin, counted and marked the seventeenth tile from left and stared at it for twelve hours? Very – that’s how boring it would be. That’s exactly what the interior of Volkswagen Jetta is for you, women and gents. My five-year old Honda City has a damn side better looking interior when compared with the Jetta. Yes alright, I grant you that the City isn’t so well built like the German car, but it has a certain character to it. My dad is a properly mature man, well into the zone of mid-50s who, anyone would say, has a lot of sense. Even he did not find the inside of the Jetta enticing. It is not even individualistic to set it apart, let alone fight with established rivals like the Honda Civic.

However the Jetta breathes a little sigh of relief when it comes to the equipment list. She is quite well equipped with goodies. Safety is right up there with the segment rivals with ABS and six airbags earning her brownie points. And the case only gets stronger with the diesel variant that comes with cruise control and traction control and rounds it off with a complete set of eight airbags. Eight!

The seats, also, are quite commendable for they offer comfort second to none in this category. We did near around 1500 km in the VW Jetta over all sorts of road conditions and got out of the car only to admire the vista, never once to stretch ourselves and relax our bottoms or bones. 

Driving the Volkswagen Jetta though, too, does not feel like an occasion. It feels nothing special. I recall having more interesting moments in the Hyundai Verna that handles and rides surely a shade or two inferior to the Jetta. The Jetta comes in with two engine options. 1.6 petrol and 1.9 diesel. Having tasted the 1.9 TDI in the Skoda Laura before, we wanted to try out the 1.6 petrol that comes with a manual gearbox (which proved to be quite precise and slick). So we asked VW to give us the petrol Jetta to spend a week with.

That was a mistake, in hindsight.

This four-pot, 1.6-litre motor is made of an aluminium alloy and bears two valves per cylinder operated by single overhead camshaft (SOHC).  What was wrong with giving us the DOHC, I don’t quite understand. But, since we don’t have the DOHC here, we will have to manage with this 101 bhp, 148 Nm engine. And there are no two ways of saying it – it is appalling.

Imagine getting served breakfast by your pet robot. It does the job well, alright, but is extremely dull and, er, robotic while at it. There won’t be any underlying emotion to it. You’d instead prefer the scolding of your mom or the hurried talks of your wife at the dining table when running late for office. To hell with that electronic wonder kid!

The Jetta’s petrol engine is like that robot. It does the work well but there is no emotion when you bury the right foot deeper. It has no soul. It is monotonous in its operation and offers no thrill. Monotonous is boring.

The engine grunt, rather the lack of it, notwithstanding, the Volkswagen Jetta is a pleasant car to drive. It steers well, turns in well, exits the corner well. But it is all very clinical though and isn’t entertaining like the Honda Civic.  Sure, the Jetta can give you those oversteer and opposing lock moments when whipped beyond care, just like your granny can shake a leg when dragged on to the dance floor. The entire episode is very reluctant and even elusive if you are an average-rated driver.

The Honda Civic on the other hand is like that five year old girl who just does not care about the whos and the whats. She will just dance her heart out over the beats. It is hugely and hilariously more entertaining and grin inducing than the VW Jetta. Everything, right from the engine note to the chassis response to the steering, is so much more dramatic in the Honda. The Civic does not have the surefooted personality of the Jetta but it has a spirit of a cheerleader going mad shouting her team’s name.

When you turn the steering hard, the Jetta simply turns. When you twist-whack the steering mad, the Jetta turns some more. The grip is phenomenal. It never gives the plot away. The Civic would turn in and then, reading the naughtiness of your mind, would bring its back around. It’s always on the boil to get aroused. The Volkswagen Jetta is more confident and composed and nothing bothers her. It’s just harder to have fun with it compared against the Honda Civic. The ride is good, a bit firm, but never uncomfortable. In fact, it forms for the best possible compromise between ride and handling.  So, the Civic might be more fun overall, but it cannot hold a candle to the sheer comfort and confidence that you get in the Jetta.

Volkswagen Jetta then – it is an extremely good product. Honestly. For your old man. It is very comfy, very stable at high speeds and won’t give you a big lump in the throat every time you put your mad-cap on or have had a fight with your better half and decide to take the anger out on the car. It is also quite well equipped and has creature comforts at your disposal. What Volkswagen have done with the Jetta is created a mechanical example of a funeral director. Immaculate, well dressed, does the job well but has one of the most boring jobs in the entire known universe.

Still, if you must have the Jetta, because of some weird reason, then sign that cheque in favour of the diesel. It’s a more practical choice. You’ll also get the famed DSG ‘box as a complimentary gift. And more equipment. And more airbags. And better mileage. So as you’d have guessed by now, I did not quite fancy the VW Jetta. For me, it is a bit too boring. Asking the Jetta to be fun is like asking Russell Peters to do Big Brother. You just cannot imagine him doing that.